he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
