I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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