I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
