You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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