I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
