Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
