Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
