I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
