I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
