Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
