brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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