I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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