he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
