and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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