sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
