Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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