She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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