I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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