dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
