When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
