If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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