My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
