i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
