You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
