Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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