im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
