he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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