This is not my ceiling
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
