If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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