Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
