the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
