omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Congratulations! We have a period
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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