you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
