Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
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The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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