my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
