the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
