Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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