Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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