I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
