he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
