i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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