Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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