maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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