Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
