I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
