I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
