You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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