Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
