I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My Higher Power is John Stamos
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
