I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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