1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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