Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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