census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
