took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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