Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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