I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
