I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
