Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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