She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
