please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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