I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
