The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
