You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
