Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
