that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
