i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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