Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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