32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
