First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
