RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
