I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
