For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want her autograph on my taint
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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