Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
