Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
