You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
