Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
