I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
