Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
