I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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