I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
