Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
