so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
