yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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