More tranny stories later!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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