i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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